Yes - the student did just say “f*** off”. It’s often seen as a really defiant response to a request. I ask you to stop and think and re-frame that for a while. Take a few moments to think about whether your own reaction to this was the most suitable and appropriate. Do we as grown adults, presumably with fully developed emotional maturity always get it right?The answer is no - and actually, some of your staff may not be emotionally developed yet. Back in 2013, The National Library of Medicine <a target="_blank" href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3621648/">reported</a> that brain maturation is not complete until around age 25. This has been picked up more recently in <a target="_blank" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24173194">a BBC article </a>which mentions how our prefrontal cortex does not develop fully until 25. If you think about students in secondary school, they are only around half way through their emotional development when they are with you, combined with the effects of hormones plus increased social and academic demands.To be clear, this does not mean I think it is acceptable to swear at staff. It is certainly not. The key thing for me is contextual understanding.We know from the articles mentioned above that young brains are still forming and therefore will not always take the best course of action. This applies to all young people before you add in further complexities such as neurodiversity and trauma. Again, neuroscience and psychology can be really helpful here.People with common diagnoses such as ADHD and autism will have inherent differences in how they process information in addition to the time it takes for our brains to develop. Some people experience trauma, whether this be from experiencing abuse directly, witnessing abuse of another, poverty, drug misuse, parents in prison, the list goes on…Trauma by definition is when a situation overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope. This means if you have a young person in your setting who has experienced trauma, they will likely have little (if any) bandwidth to cope with what most people see as “normal” day to day activities and interactions. They will also live in “fight/flight/freeze/fawn” mode - a hypervigilant state where all sensory stimuli are monitored all the time by the brain for potential threat. The response to a threat will be an immediate default response - an instinct designed to keep the person safe and definitely NOT a choice.Who would choose to live in a perpetually scared state of mind?So what does this mean if a student swears? Yes, they do need a consequence but a blanket policy is insufficient and won’t provide the learning opportunity that these students need. Time and again I hear staff saying that the same students are in detention. Of course they are - you have not taught them an alternative response.Until you explicitly teach a more appropriate response, you are going to get more of the same. Teach something you do want and make a point of recognising when the student makes steps towards getting it right. Teach it again. Reinforce again. This needs work but will pay off in time. We are teachers of people - human beings who need guidance, not just of our subject area.SEMH and the psychology of behaviour (INSET days)<ul><li>Bookings for Summer Term and 2025-26</li><li>3 hour and whole day INSET sessions</li><li>I have over 20 years of experience in both mainstream and specialist education and still work in an SEMH provision.</li><li>I know what works but crucially, I know why - based on neuroscience and psychology.</li></ul>Please email me to book a 30 minute complimentary call where we can discuss what will work best for you and your school.<a target="_blank" href="mailto:claire@indigoowlcoachingandconsultancy.co.uk">claire@indigoowlcoachingandconsultancy.co.uk</a>

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SEMH - They told me to f*** off

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SEMH - They told me to f*** off

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